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Absolute Healing Blog

"I Don't Know Who I Am Any More"

Posted in Practicing focussed mindfulness on 22/10/2016

It Is that time of year again. A time when a generation of parents feel like they have had their hearts wrenched out of their chests. The past 18 years have been working towards this moment, it is a time of pride, a feeling of accomplishment and yet……

When our children move out they leave two holes: a physical hole in the house and a deep hole in the soul. For the last 18 years we have had an unwavering sense of purpose, we know what we are here to do we know who we are -  a mother, father, guide, rock, nurse, adviser, carer, companion, correction officer, doormat…… whatever, but SOMEONE.

But driving away from that hall of residence with an empty boot and passenger seat we are faced with a silence, a void, and questions: ‘is that it then?’; ‘is that me done?’; ‘is my life from here on going to be an emptiness punctuated by occasional visits, phone calls and days out?’

This sense of grief is natural and unavoidable but it should wane and be slowly replaced by a new sense of freedom, lightness and gratitude. Here we have an opportunity, a natural transition to the next phase in our lives. We have a gift of time, energy and singularity of purpose that we may not have known since our teens and a delicious space in which to explore what we want to do next.

For some though this transition doesn’t happen, we feel that we have given ourselves so completely to home, family and making ends meet that we have lost ourselves. That question of “what now” creates anxiety or even despair. We have no idea who we are and why we are here.

A woman came to see me in just such a state a couple of weeks ago. She is in her mid-fifties, she has a nice home, a nice husband a decent job and absolutely no sense of self or purpose. She was tearful, anxious and without energy or motivation. She felt guilt coming as she felt she had nothing to complain about and yet she knew she was missing something and she needed help to find it.

I worked with Paula to help her feel herself again. She was still there, but she had lost touch with herself. First she had to deal with her emotions and her self-confidence issues but quickly she started to have flashes of insight into what would give her fulfilment. The rest was easy, I simply supporting her as she took those first steps and gave her the tools to keep in touch with her gut feelings so she could keep herself confidently on track.

I absolutely love the work my colleagues and I do. We use Focussed Mindfulness to help people to feel themselves again. You can arrange a coffee with a practitioner and see what they can do for you. Start that next chapter in your life now! Contact us here